Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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