Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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