You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize