I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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