Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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