Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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