he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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