is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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