I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize