If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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