I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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