I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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