I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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