Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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