I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize