I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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