There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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