i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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