Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize