Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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