She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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