true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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