I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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