No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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