I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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