Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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