you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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