True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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