im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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