Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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