I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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