there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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