dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize