my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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