I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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