Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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