So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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