In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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