It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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