U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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