Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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