The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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