how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
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Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My life is pants optional.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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