I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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