god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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