Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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