apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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