On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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