apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize