Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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